Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.  Colossians 4:5-6

There seems to be two mistakes Christians make in living out their faith in front of unbelievers. The first is not living it out and the second is living it out in unwise ways—ways that display a spirit of superiority, marginalizing, or even antagonizing the lost.

It’s important to be gracious and attractive—patient and compassionate whenever possible—when we’re dealing with the lost, and that means allowing them to define themselves just as we speak for ourselves. Often, it is in trying to explain themselves that the lost discover the weaknesses/ softness of their own position. But they’ll blow right over it if they are already on the defensive or in conflict with us.

That’s why today’s verse is so important: if we “live wisely among those who are not believers,” and make our “conversation be gracious and attractive”, many of their assumptions and stereotypes about Christians dissolve (at for least Christians like us). And often, it is negative encounters with local churches and church people that has fed their negative stereotypes about Christians—and built up walls against Jesus.

This leads to a simple truth: We’re called to win the lost, not win arguments. Even within the faith we are called to correct wrong ideas gently (Gal 6:1). A little humility can go a long way — particularly when we’re trying to discuss tough issues. Unfortunately, conversations about differences that aren’t grounded in humility end up with neither side listening or trying to understand, but just attempting to defend our positions.

Basing our conversations in our personal experience instead of the theoretical goes a long way. When we share personal stories that relate to our beliefs, and communicate in a way that show we’re trying to relate, not trying to compete, we build a rapport, a believability (relationship) with non-believer that no amount of logic or facts can accomplish.

One of the widespread stereotypes about Christians is that we’re insincere… if we have anything to do with people outside the faith, it’s based on a hidden agenda. Sometimes, we are seen as more interested in evangelizing than simply being a person interacting with them—and that’s a problem, because most people want to be valued for who they are, not their potential to become another notch on the evangelist’s belt.

I don’t mean to suggest we shouldn’t be honest about how central our faith is to us—just the opposite. If we’re living honestly, the importance of our relationship with Jesus can’t help but be seen. Nor am I suggesting that we should divorce ourselves from our beliefs in order to gain rapport with unbelievers. That’s not wisdom. Honesty and integrity are important in any conversation (saved or lost).

I’m saying that, whenever possible, we should be trying to see things from the other person’s point of view and empathize with their perspective, even when we think we could out-debate them on sheer facts. (They might surprise us on that, and besides, debating/arguing usually leads to polarization and that’s not a the “right response” Paul is speaking of in today’s verse.)

So instead, we ground conversations in the personal instead of merely in the theoretical. We share personal stories that relate to our beliefs, and communicate in a way that shows we’re not trying to compete, but to relate to them…not to lecture and argue, but to actually listen to and respond to what the other person is saying. That’s making “the most of every opportunity”.