You will never succeed in life if you try to hide your sins. But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy from God. (Proverbs 28:13)

A study of forgiveness is never complete without looking at the other side of the coin: Those who sin and repent. Because “all have sinned” and “if we claim to be without sin, we lie” (Rom 3:23/1Jn 1:8), repentance in central in Christian life. Confessing and forsaking our sins, which is what ‘Repentance’ means, is foundational, not just for new believers, but for all believers.

The problem is there’s far more encouragement to repent than instruction how to repent. And many struggle with the question: How do I know if I’m truly repentant?

In the Bible, there are great passages on both true and false repentance. David truly repented of his sin with Bathsheba and Uriah. Saul put on a good show, but he didn’t have a genuinely repentant heart. Space limits me from going deep into these passages (2 Sam 12 / Ps 32, 51 /1 Sam 15), but it might be good to review them on your own.

Here’s some lessons we can learn from these two examples (and others) of true vs. false repentance:

1. We name our sin as sin and do not spin it or excuse it. We demonstrate godly sorrow…grief chiefly about the sin itself, not just a grief about being caught or having to deal with the consequences of sin.

2. We actually confess before we were caught or the circumstantial consequences of our sin catch up with us. If found out, we confess immediately and completely rather than having to have the full truth pulled from us. Real repentance is typically accompanied by transparency.

3. We are humble and teachable. Pride is often the main reason repentance fails. We are willing and eager do whatever it takes to make things right and to demonstrate we have changed.

4. We are patient with those we’ve hurt or victimized, spending as much time as is required listening to them without jumping to defend ourselves. Frequently, ‘victims’ aren’t just those we’ve sinning against, but those who love and have believed in us.

5. We are patient with those we’ve hurt or victimized as they process their hurt, and we don’t pressure them or “guilt” them into forgiving us or giving us back the privilege of trust. Trust is earned and once lost it may never be quite the same. A truly repentant person accepts that and doesn’t hold it against those they’ve hurt.

6. We may dislike the consequences of our sin but we do not bristle under them or resent them. We understand that sometimes our sin causes great damage to others that is not healed in the short term (or perhaps ever in this life). The victims of our sin may be fighting their own battle (with forgiveness and trusting others).

7. We seek our comfort in the grace and forgiveness of God in Jesus, not simply in being free of the consequences of our sin.

We’ll look at the topic of Repentance more next time.