A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17

One of the challenges of being in any kind of Christian community (family, church, friendship, etc.) is finding ways to “Bear one another’s burdens” (Gal 6:2) in a way that truly helps rather than causes things to get even worse. Sometimes our intentions are good but how we live out helping our brothers and sisters is defective. And helping someone repent is an area where the Bible both calls us and cautions us, because it can be a real minefield.

To start with, there is no formula. What will be a game-changer for one person with one kind of issue they’re repenting from, will be useless or counter-productive for another. Secondly, the zeal for the repenter to pursue repentance can ebb and flow and if we’re out of rhythm with that we’ll be frustrated.

Fortunately, the Bible gives us forthright insights on how to actually help a person change or repent… and how not to help them, which is just as important. Today we’ll start looking at some passages on how to help someone repent.

Prayer changes things.

You already knew that, but it’s an easy one to forget. Somehow we get this crazy idea that God is calling us to change someone else. He’s not. Only God can change them. But for some reason Christians often believe that by force of our will, the persuasiveness of our arguments, and perhaps the passion of our tears, we can bring them under the cutting conviction of the Holy Spirit, and repentance will occur. Of course, we know both from Scripture and probably from our own experience that this doesn’t work.

No number of lectures, no amount of criticism, no amount of wise counsel or heartfelt tears can change someone. Only God can create true godliness in a person. Only the Holy Spirit can soften a heart. Only the Spirit can bring about true repentance.

So, if God is the only one who can create change, does that mean He doesn’t use us? He does. But maybe in ways that we don’t think of: The absolute best thing we can do for a person who is struggling with repentance is to pray for them. Pray a lot.

When we pray in a “God please change this person for their good and your glory” kind of way we’re actually doing the heavy lifting in their lives. Praying. Constantly, repeatedly, without ceasing. Pray that God would bless them, fill them with joy, increase their experience of him. Pray that God would give them victory over their sin.

And pray for them repeatedly. God’s mercies are new every morning (Lam 3:22). This is a good thing because the temptations the repenter faces may be constant.

So be like God: make certain our mercy is being constantly renewed, and… pray without ceasing (1 Thes 5:16).

Want to do more? We can, but it might not be what we think. More next time.