I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many. 1 Corinthians 10:33

While doing research for this topic of visiting churches, I came across 2 web sites back-to-back. One gave a list of 10 things visitor-friendly churches MUST do, and the other was 10 ways to drive introverts AWAY from your church. The two lists were very opposite…almost point for point. And that’s believable. As a visitor not everyone is looking for the same thing. In fact, an extrovert and an introvert might prefer to be treated very differently—just like you would treat anyone you met for the first time… you don’t follow a script, you pick up on their cues and treat them accordingly.

Problem is, churches usually enlist their most gregarious people as official welcomers. And that can bowl many more reserved people over. It might be worth looking for some more empathetic people to do your greeting tasks… people who are good at picking up on signals like voice, body language, etc., and treat people where they are at.

Which brings me to the one point both surveys agreed on: It’s got to be real. Fake friendliness is actually rated as a bigger turn-off than being completely ignored. Mixed messages and unfulfilled promises do great harm in a church’s effectiveness in welcoming new people.

Most churches have a few areas they emphasize. It’s what differentiates their message from the other churches in the region. But if you’re emphasizing something, it had better be evident to visitors that you’re actually living it out. If missions is your big thing, then you’d better be well involved in evangelizing those around you. If you’re preaching a lot of healing, you’d better be demonstrating actual healings.

People aren’t so much interested in your statement of purpose as your demonstration of living that purpose out. For example, all the churches I visit believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God. That’s a good belief. But it surprises me sometimes to hear people go on and on about the Bible and its importance who clearly demonstrate that they don’t know what it says very well. If it’s that important, learn what it teaches.

…And this is a congregant thing. Not surprising (to me, at least) was that a “poor or boring sermon” barely hit the radar in surveys of why visitors don’t return. I guess most visitors know you can’t judge a church by a single sermon anyway (or maybe we have just come to accept disappointing sermons as the cost of church attendance). Either way, the people on the platform aren’t the biggest factor in visitors having a good church experience and wanting to return. It’s the people in the pews.

Which makes sense since Jesus’ Body (of which the local church is a small gathering of) isn’t the building or the leader(s) or the denomination… it’s people. Are they walking out what the church’s web page says it values?

We live in a time when the significance of the church leadership is losing ground rapidly to the value of the relationship among the attendees. In some age segments the transition is already complete. Many church leaders would rather not hear this, because it means the church’s ability to connect with anyone… to live out the values the church highlights… is dependent on the people who regularly attend the church rather than the staff. In the eyes of outsiders (and visitors) a leader’s own reputation depends upon how the congregants live.

Most people who aren’t heavily invested in the program can smell fake from a mile away. And if we want to provide a quality visitor experience—more than greeters, information booths, and gift packages—it’s got to be people and it’s got to be real.