Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:13

Most Christians know we are supposed to love our enemies, do good to those who act hatefully towards us, bless those who wish bad things would happen to us, and pray for those who mistreat us (Lk 6:27). Included in all of this is forgiving those who have hurt or offended us in some way.

Of course, it’s not so difficult to say we love people in the general sense, or forgive people universally. It’s when we come down to the individual level that it gets tough. And to forgive and keep forgiving is stressful. To stay forgiving can be tough if we don’t know how or why we keep finding ourselves unforgiving.

Here’s some thoughts on that:

1. We need to forgive whether the offender receives the forgiveness or not. We’re doing it for God and our own peace whether the offender responds or not.
We may need to re-forgive them repeatedly and often until forgiving becomes a habit. By that I mean that the offender may be a repeat offender. Or perhaps we have a wavering forgiveness that we need re-apply often—every time we begin to feel unforgiving thoughts.

2. It helps to acknowledge that the offender is a sinful human being who Jesus loves and died for (just like He loves and died for each of us). Even if their offense seems unforgivable, Jesus can still redeem them. Instead of fuming over the offense (which doesn’t accomplish anything), we need to try to realize that the offender most likely has their own issues. When we feel sorry for them (compassion), it makes forgiving a lot easier.

3. Our tendency to “re-live” the offense is the stronghold the enemy uses to defeat our forgiveness and keep us living in the pain of the offense rather than the victory of forgiveness. We need to stop replaying those painful memories in our heads. When those thoughts come, we need to repent. (So, submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee—Jm 4:7) We can do this through substitution— reminding ourselves of the good memories, even reminding ourselves of the good things that the offender has done, even if those good things are minimal. It clears the path of forgiveness.

4. Remembering our own mistakes is just being honest…and forgiving ourselves is vital. (A lot of times, people who have trouble forgiving others have even more trouble forgiving themselves.) Forgiveness starts by receiving God’s forgiveness. Besides, when we do something wrong, we want to be forgiven, right? This shows the value of forgiveness and will make us want to give it to someone.

5. Unforgiveness will wear us right out. Honestly, it takes less energy to love and forgive than it does to have unforgivenss and it’s ever-accompanying twin, resentment. God calls us to live in quietness and peace (Isaiah 32:17). Forgiveness is foundational to living like that. It brings a peaceful life.

We’ll look at a few more of these next time…