Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

One of the reasons Christians fail to act kindly is simply because we don’t have the presence of mind in the moment that we might have responded with kindness to put away apathy or rudeness and put on compassion, kindness, etc.

That is, we take people around us for granted. Their wishes, their value are thrown under the bus of our preoccupation with ourselves. That’s an easy thing to do as we race through the day, distracted by so many things, trying to beat the clock, trying to do it all. How can we show Christian kindness when we’re overly tired, bogged down in responsibilities that steal our time and drain us, diverting our attention from other people and their needs?

The answer is living through a gracious spirit. Gracious people are keenly aware of the value of other people. They are constantly monitoring how their words and actions make another feel and customizing them in real time to real people in real situations. Without graciousness we’re present in body only, offering no real substance of our spirit, even to those closest to us.

We see several examples in the Gospels where Jesus was interruptible. From people who stopped him in a crowd, to a group who let their friend down through the roof into a teaching meeting, Jesus dealt with the hustle and bustle of life, not taking the individuals in the crowd around Him for granted. Jesus was our supreme example of leaving the 99 and going after the singular need.

Jesus demonstrated graciousness, but He didn’t say much about it. I think it tells us a lot: You can teach about a gracious, but for graciousness to become more than just a show of superficial politeness, it has to come from the heart. And that’s where we fall short, in our mirage that love is a decision.

Decision-based love is draining. One of the most exhausting thing in life is insincerity. So I’m not going to try to cajole you into graciousness. It wouldn’t work. But if you want to become more gracious, here’s some ideas:

•Ask God to guide your heart toward a gracious spirit, and expect Him to do it. I believe God wants to give us a gracious spirit, so if we ask, He will (in fact, He may have already given us a gracious spirit, but we don’t have much practice living out of it). Once we have that gracious spirit, we may just need to exercise it, to condition it…to get our gracious spirit in shape. So how do we exercise it?

•When someone treats you in a gracious way, pay attention. Notice what they did or said and the spirit from which they did it. Reflect on it, and try it out for yourself. Imitate it in your dealings with others. See how it fits, coming from you. You might find you have a gracious spirit in atrophy.

•When someone is ungracious to you, notice what they did (forgiving them) and how their actions or words made you feel. Then mold your words and actions to avoid making others feel that way.

•Have you ever thought of the ‘perfect’ answer after he incident is over? Instead of thinking about the perfect snarky comeback to someone who treated you with apathy, or treated you rudely, role play in your mind graciously responding to indifference and offensiveness, and keep practicing that gracious behavior.

Today’s verses tell us that we have now transitioned out of the old garments worn before we were in Jesus. Throw out the old garments and as Jesus’ followers put on the new nature.