Be devoted to one another in love. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10

Spiritual maturity is not the display of our gift, but the way we love. You don’t have to look hard to find people who are profoundly gifted but lack love; even common curtesy seems to elude them. Maturity isn’t about impressive positions in ministry/ politics/ business or power or influence or any of those things that people look up to.

Respect is simply how we treat the people around us—figuring out what makes them feel valued or cared for and treating them that way. Which brings us to relationships.

While Peter tells us to ‘Honor everyone” (1 Pet 2:17), mature Christians’ close relationships (parents, children spouse, other significant relationships) are conspicuously respectful and this glorifies God. Their relationships point to God, not because they’re always talking about Jesus, but because whatever they’re talking about is Christ-like. Their personal relationships bless those who are watching from the sidelines.

Respect is one of the most important factors in any relationship. It’s so important that Peter tells us if we disregard respect in our marriages, our prayers will be hindered (1 Pet 3:7). Respect can mean many things, but it boils down to upholding the self-worth of others through our word, attitudes, act and pleasantness. Yes, pleasantness.

Pleasantness can be anything from a smile and cheerful behavior to courtesy and complementary language (not talking down to people). People around mature Christians feel valued. We all have bad days, but whatever we’re going through doesn’t give us a free pass to be pouty or short with the people around us…that’s a measure of maturity because this respect thing is part of our fiber, not something we put on just when we’re happy.

Anyone can fake this. But to do it consistently and joyfully, from the heart, requires a heart/attitude adjustment from the Holy Spirit.

We can treat people with value—even people we disagree with—because we’re focusing on the fact that these people who walk in and out of our lives us are precious to God. Especially with those we are around a lot—mature Christians are quick to compliment, show respect by listening, responding appropriately.

Respect means allowing the people in our lives to make their own choices without fear that we’ll badger them, throw tantrums or give them the cold-shoulder. Of course, we can give advice (but sometimes it’s best to ask if they want our advice first) or offer our help, but mature Christians know that each person has to make decisions for themselves and be their own person.

“Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God” (1 Pet 2:17). That’s Christian maturity.